What I Know Now: 2 weeks Postpartum

Miss Maggie is two weeks old today. I have been trying to think of a way to appropriately close out this blog of my pregnancy and what better way than one final "What I Know Now". Thanks to you all for following me along the way on my "secret" blog. It's time to close up shop as I will only be updating my public blog from here on out. And really, since I can't really whine about being pregnant anymore, I won't have much to talk about, ha ha ha.

So here goes - What I know Now that I have a 2 week old baby.

1. The most important day in any running program is rest. Rest days give your muscles time to recover so you can run again. Your muscles build in strength as you rest. ~Hal Higdon Here we go again with the link between parenthood and running. "Sleep when she sleeps". If I hear that piece of advice one more time, I will go bonkers. Of course, people tell you this because it's true. The surest way to go insane is to be sleep deprived. I thought I would be ok with the sleep deprivation since my pregnancy was insomnia-filled. I actually think I am clocking more hours of sleep now than when I was pregnant but am MORE tired. How does that work??! I am not good at sleeping when she sleeps yet. Too much other stuff to do and I don't really think I'm tired. Then 6:00 PM comes and I am WIPED. Trying to get better about this.

2. Breastmilk = Dope for babies. Baby can be screaming bloody murder and the second she gets the boob in her mouth is quiet. 10 minutes later she is a limp noodle. Makes me laugh every time.

3. Breastfeeding is hard..but gets easier! Magster latched immediately in labor and delivery so of course I thought, "YES! This breastfeeding thing is going to be a piece of cake". YEah. Somewhere on the wheelchair ride from labor & delivery up to the mom and baby floor, she forgot everything. We literally had to train her to suck using a syringe full of colostrum and my husband's pinky finger. From there she graduated to my boob with a thin tube taped to it. Thankfully on Day 4, something clicked and she has been a feeding champ since then. For an instant at 1 in the morning while my husband was trying to help me get both my boob and the feeding tube in her tiny mouth, I realized that THIS is probably why people give up breastfeeding. I feel lucky that we figured it out because I don't know how many more days I would have lasted with that feeding tube.

4. WOW does your relationship with your husband change. I'm sure it will go back to somewhere in between but I don't think I have had a conversation with him that wasn't about the baby. My husband literally had to milk me that first night in the hospital because I was so tired that I couldn't do it by myself anymore. So as I tried to squeeze colostrum out of my boob, my husband was there with a plastic shot glass trying to scoop out the drops. Poor guy will never look at my boobs the same way again.

5. I have no idea what I do all day. I am not going to lie - I do miss things like reading, crafting. Maybe one day I'll get to return to these things. Right now, the latest book I read is My Hand, Your Hand. And it is a black and white picture book for babies.

6. Daytime tv is terrible.

7. You do forget what boob you fed with last. Prior to breastfeeding, I thought it would be easy to track which boob I fed the baby with last. Yeah. NOT. Now I rock my yellow Livestrong bracelet on whatever arm corresponds to the boob on deck. Keeps me sane in the middle of the night.

8. I am a leaker. Boobs leak constantly. Baby cries, boobs leak. I tried sleeping without a nursing bra a couple nights and my shirt was totally milk soaked. So sleeping with a bra it is.

9. I feel like I am pretty well healed "down there". Nice. That whole thing was not as bad as I thought it would be. I am really sick of wearing pads but I don't have any pain or soreness so that's nice. I have considered going for a run already, but don't know if it is too soon.

10. I was totally afraid to poop after giving birth. Thank goodness they feed you stool softeners in the hospital.

11. I have to remember to eat. Most days, I don't remember to eat lunch until around 3 PM.

12. Holding your baby is really fun. That's probably what I do all day :)

13. Giving birth is AMAZING. Hands down one of the coolest things I have ever experienced. And it is way harder than running a marathon.

Thanks again for checking in on me and my pregnancy! This blog is officially CLOSED for BUSINESS.

PROGRESS!

Well, quite the turn around in my mental state in the past couple of hours.

I had a non-stress test this morning to make sure that the baby is indeed happy in there. We passed the test at like minute 2. I still had to be hooked up for 20 minutes but everything is great with baby S.

Then I had my "regular" doctor appt. I lost a pound bringing my pregnancy weight gain to 35 lbs. thus far and my BP is still good - 110/60. Then the cervical check:

THREE CENTIMETERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woohoo!!! So I guess the weekend of contracting was good for something!

3 down, 7 more to go!

I am also 80% effaced.

He asked if I wanted the membranes stripped. He thought now was as good of time as any to do it so I let him. It did not hurt as badly as I thought it would, although I thought it would be horrible. Since then I have had a few really bad contractions so people at work (yes, I'm still at work) think the baby's birthday will be 9/8/10...

...which is my third wedding anniversary! ARGH. Total Murphy's Law. The ONE day I didn't want...we shall see. I'm trying not to get my hopes up but maybe?!?! I know my dad would be THRILLED if the baby was born tomorrow since that is his birthday too.

If nothing happens by Friday, I have to be up in labor and delivery by 5 AM to start the pitocin drip. I asked the doctor if the baby would be born by Saturday since I wouldn't want the kid to have a 9/11 birthday either and he responded, "God I should hope so."

So new poll - 9/8, 9/9 or 9/10?!? What will it be?

41 Weeks

Even when you have gone as far as you can, and everything hurts, and you are staring at the specter of self-doubt, you can find a bit more strength deep inside you, if you look closely enough.

Hal Higdon

Lucky me - I just love being pregnant so much (heavy sarcasm) that I got an extra week of it. My runner's world quote of the day today is the quote above. I found it very fitting for my current state of mind, which hasn't been the best. In short, I'm going insane.

On the pro side, I have been having a ton of contractions. On the con side, they aren't really going anywhere productive. So if I'm going to be doubled over in pain and woken up several times during the night because of them, I would prefer to get it over with!!

I go to the doctor later today for a non-stress test and regular visit. Otherwise, game plan is still to be induced on Friday. I'm trying to focus on the fact that at most Ionly have 3 more days of being pregnant. After 34 weeks of crappy sleep, I think i can take 3 more days.

Heard on the street

Well, we are still pregnant. I have to try to keep in mind that I am really only 3 days overdue. Not that much. Yesterday I had a really negative outlook and it was really driving me nuts. Today I'm feeling much better.

I get a LOT of email, facebook messages, phone calls, etc asking if I am still around. I really do not mind all of this - who would mind all of this fun attention?! I've decided to compile a list of some of the comments I've gotten:

"Is that baby ever going to come? You're like me - I had a lazy uterus" (said to me 2x actually, by the same person)

"What if you have the baby on "labor" day?!" (if I had a dollar for every time I heard that one...)

"You should have the baby on 90210 day and name it [insert 90210 character here]" (The hubs was so happy our baby was not born yesterday after he heard this. I on the other hand thought it would have been funny.)

"Knowing you, Baby S is in there absorbed in a good book" :)

"Have you dropped? It looks like you've dropped" (For the record, I think this "dropping business" is a line of sh**. My boss agrees.)

"You're still at work?!?!?" (actually my husband gets this (referring to the fact that I'm still working) more than I do)

"The longer the baby is in there, the better sleeper and eater it is" (fingers crossed that this one's true!)

And then there are the whole host of labor induction methods that people are always eager to dole out:

"Why don't you try...

...walking
...hip circles on an exercise ball
...eggplant parmesan
...spicy food
...having sex
...nipple stimulation
...jumping jacks
...castor oil
...having the hubs take me on a bumpy car ride

I have tried all of these (with the exception of the castor oil). Many of them, we have tried MULTIPLE times. So far...nothing. I'll keep trying though! While doing my hip circles last night I told my husband that at least my sacrum will be really nice and loose by the time labor does start!

This morning my husband tried a new method - he put his mouth by the belly and said, "YOU ARE BEING EVICTED. YOU HAVE TO GET OUT ASAP". Maybe that will work?! Or maybe our child will now have daddy issues for the rest of his/her life...

One of these days I will get to say "I HAD THE BABY!!". It will for sure be within the next week as my induction date is a week from today!

BRING ON THE FMLA!!!

You may recall that one of the positives of having a September baby is that my FMLA would be squared away and I would be able to take the rest of 2010 off.

I am excited that we have reached that milestone! My boss was on vacation Monday and Tuesday and she called me last night to find out if I had the baby. She said, "Well, all you have to do is make it one hour tomorrow and you'll have your FMLA set!"

I had contractions last night, some of them the most intense that I have had yet. The hubs was saying, "just a little longer, baby" and I told him he was taking me to work if he had to WHEEL me into my office for an hour.

I'm happy to say that I did not have to get wheeled into work this morning and that I've put in 4 hours already :). Ok, baby, get to work!! We want you on the outside STAT!

40 WEEKS! Update!

Here is my disclaimer that the following may contain too much information.

SO. WEIRD to see the little woman on top of my blog on week 40. (if you read my blog in google reader, you won't see the ticker). It's pretty crazy that I am here. While I don't really think that I will have the baby today, some milestones were hit.

First, my insomnia is back. I had two, maybe even three, great weeks of sleep (well, great compared to insomnia). I was still getting up most nights, but would be able to fall asleep after 20-30 minutes of reading. Starting Saturday night, I have been up for at least 3 hours each night, starting at 2-3 AM.

Yesterday, I had some bleeding throughout the day. I'm still not sure if that was "bloody show" (ewwww) or just from the cervical check my doctor did. CD told me that I should try doing hip circles on an exercise ball to engage the baby. I looked up other exercises said to engage the baby/bring on labor - walking (which I do 3 miles a day), squats (love my yoga squats) and hip circles. So last night, i was in the middle of our living room, curtains open, doing the hula hoop motion while on an exercise ball. It just might have worked...

...because this morning, at 5:30, I went to the bathroom. Something definitely felt different and as I looked into the toilet (which I have been checking for WEEKS now), I saw it. MY M. PLUG! HOLY SHIT. I was totally excited. I went back to bed, tossed and turned and then at 7 when our alarm went off told my husband. "REALLY"?! He was so excited. I cautioned him that while it is exciting, it could still be a while. (As an example, our friend JP lost hers on her due date and her baby was still 10 days late.)

My friend AH asked me if I had tried hand expressing to see if any colostrum would come out. I actually HAVE tried that before with no results. I don't know why this popped into my head this morning in the shower but I tried it and then yelled "OH MY GOD" without thinking. My husband nearly broke down the door rushing into the bathroom. "What?! What's the matter?!". I just started laughing and said, "Oh, sorry, I totally just squeezed some colostrum out of my boob". He just rolled his eyes and cracked, "Honey, don't waste that stuff, it's liquid gold" before heading to work. (If you take/have taken a breastfeeding class, you'll hear a lot about "liquid gold").

So a fun start to my due date day. Any contractions? No. I'm sure the excitement will wear off by this afternoon and I'll be tired as hell for only getting 4 hours of sleep.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Friday night I thought for sure I was having this baby. I started getting pretty intense contractions at work and left early (3:30ish) because I wanted to be at home. The hubs and I got pizza delivery and got a movie to watch. I was having contractions throughout the movie and we decided to go on a walk after the movie to return it. More contractions through the walk. I went to bed and definitely thought that I would wake up in the middle of the night and have to start some timing.

I woke up Saturday morning feeling awesome...and still pregnant.

Yesterday it was return to the land of nausea and hot flashes. Saturday night I literally was laying on our floor in front of the air conditioning vent with ice packs on my neck because I was so hot. I didn't really have too many more contractions Saturday or Sunday.

This morning I had another doctor appointment. My cervix was deemed "unfavorable" right now. Nice. I have dilated to 1 cm, but the cervix is still pretty thick and the baby pretty high. He started talking about C-sections and membrane stripping. I didn't want anything done today, even though he offered to do the strip. I refused the strip. I go back a week from tomorrow for a non-stress test for the baby and another visit. If the baby is happy in there, all systems go until 9/10 which is when my induction is scheduled for. If the baby is not happy in there, induction happens that day.

In other news, I'm up 36 pounds and my BP is still good - 112/70. The baby's weight guesstimate has jumped too. Now the doctor thinks that baby is "decent sized" and will come in at the high 7s (his previous guess was 7 and a quarter lbs tops).

I was feeling really great mentally about the whole thing saying "the baby will come when he/she comes" before my doctor appointment. Then there were too many naughty words (c-section, inducing, stillbirth) thrown around in a short time period and now I'm not feeling all that great. Oh well. I guess I will definitely only be pregnant for eleven more days tops.

And, I'm back

The end of pregnancy is pure craziness. Yesterday I thought FOR SURE I was going into labor and would be in the hospital. I felt so gross and icky. My mom thought maybe the baby was coming. My MIL thought I was in early labor. Heck even my husband's secretary thought I was in early labor (she busted him looking at some pregnancy websites and he had to 'fess up). My boss thought I was going into labor - she called me this morning even though she doesn't work on Fridays. "Oh, you're in" came her disappointed reply when I answered my phone.

Today - totally fine. I feel great! Maybe all of my husband's pampering last night turned things around?!

SIGH.

I do have to say that if I am going to go into labor, I would rather go in feeling like I do today rather than yesterday/last night. I'm trying to savor the whole experience as one of my coworkers (the doula-esque one) told me that the whole experience of childbirth is something that you don't get very often. I thought that was a cool way to look at it, and a positive one. I have to say though I feel a bit like a fair-weather preggo. When times are good, i'm all, "I'm excited to go into labor" and "oh, i'm savoring this experience". When times are bad, as in last night, I'm totally terrified and thinking, "i'm not ready for this". Here's hoping when the time does come, I can channel that positive thinking!

ICK

I feel like crapola.

Yesterday after work, I was walking to my car and I totally fell. It was really embarrassing. I feel on both of my knees and grass-stained up my pants. Basically, I tripped over my own foot on grass in the middle of this lawn as everyone was walking to their cars after work. Down goes pregnant lady. Sigh. The belly was not harmed, but my ego was a little bruised (and I'm hoping my pants aren't ruined).

After that, I was on my way to book club where I had yummy food and good conversation but felt icky. My back was killing me. I could barely drive home. I laid on the couch for a bit and then went grocery shopping and felt a little better. I fell asleep and woke up at 2.

Crappy feeling again. At 4 I took a benedryl b/c i couldn't stand not being able to sleep and my back was still really sore.

This morning, I wanted to call in sick, but as I've posted about before, my banked sick days are like precious gold right now and I didn't want to waste one pre-baby so that i could have it post-baby.

I have been at work for 3 hours. My goal is to make it to 4 PM b/c I have a training I have to do at 3. Keep your fingers crossed!

"I Saw The Sign"

A coworker sent me a nice email today with lots of tips/suggestions on labor and delivery. She also told me that she secretly wants to be a doula. Many of her suggestions, tips were very doula-esque. (Ok, I don't have a doula, nor do I know one but from what I know of them, the stuff seemed doula-esque.)

One of the websites she sent me had this list of "signs of labor (not necessearily imminent)" that made me think, "Ok, maybe I won't be pregnant until Christmas".

I still think i have a ways to go, but the list made me hopeful that my body is progressing towards the big L.

This may be TMI, but it wouldn't be the first time on this blog, now would it?

Here is the list:

SIGNS OF LABOR (not necessarily imminent)
*Increase of vaginal discharge - YES

*Baby drops down further into pelvis - I don't know. I've had people tell me that I've dropped and others tell me that I haven't.

*Pressure or aching in pelvis or thighs - YES. Especially today

*Low, dull backache - YES. Going on about 2 weeks now.

*Cramps similar to stomach ache or menstrual cramps - YES

*Loose bowel movements, diarrhea or nausea - YES to both

*Loss of mucous plug - NO

*Nesting energy - YES

*Restlessness, an unsettled feeling - ?? I don't know if what i am feeling is unsettled. I would say I am definitely restless because I am so freakin' excited! My boss and I had a conversation today (can you tell i get a lot of work done right now?!) about how, in her opinion, labor is so exciting. I haven't gone into labor yet but going in, I feel really positive and excited. My sister called and asked me if I was nervous, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous, but really, the #1 emotion right now is EXCITED.

Re-reading that last paragraph makes me think of Jesse Spano on Saved by the Bell when she was addicted to caffeine pills. "I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so so so SCARED". HA HA HA. Love me some SBTB.

Lord Help Me...

...I've started nesting at work.

These drawers have never been so organized!

Reason #54,708 that I love my husband

The hubs and I upgraded to new cell phones last weekend. Our old phones were just phones - they had no special features. You could use them to call someone and text but that was it. And you know what, I sort of loved them.

We were eligible for an upgrade and we went for the upgrade to get these faux iphone things. I haven't made my mind up about them yet. One thing we are finding out is that battery life is not as long as our old phones. All of those features suck batteries dry, even if you aren't using your phone.

Yesterday, my phone died mid-day. I sent my husband an email saying, call my office phone if you need me.

Today, he sent me the same email. His phone had died.

About noon, he called me. It was registering from his cell phone so I answered and asked, "I thought your phone had died".

"Oh it did, but I went to US Cellular and did the free battery exchange to get a new one."

I replied, "Um, but your battery is exactly 4 days old. Why didn't you just wait to get home and charge it?"

"Well what if you went into labor? How would you have gotten a hold of me?!?!"

So cute.

Work Status

You know what I love about these last few weeks of pregnancy?

No on expects you to do anything, particulary at work.

My coworkers are more concerned with my pregnancy status than the status of any work. Our co-director talks to me every morning about the fact that I'm "still here". I rarely get emails re: work anymore. When I do contact them about work, they seem surprised. It's kind of nice!

Granted, I did go through an Excel spreadsheet making phase to organize all of my work for other people while I am on maternity leave. Yesterday I finished making 26 Access databases. Today, I'm fiddling with the skip patterns within them and maybe I'll write an abstract. I'm suppossed to get a draft of a big report that was suppossed to be finished a while ago today to review as well.

Part of me is glad that I have finished all of my to-dos before maternity leave. But another part of me thinks that if I had more to do, I wouldn't think about the baby 24/7.

Or not. :)

39 down, 1 to go

Last night, we crossed our last baby-related item off the list. Now my husband is just looking for projects to keep his mind occupied!

We had our car seat installed last night. Well, the 2nd base anyways. I had called at the beginning of the month to get an appointment and the soonest appointment was yesterday. I freaked out thinking the baby could be here by then (guess I didn't have to worry about that!) and found out that one of our friends used to be a car seat technician in MN. So he came over and installed the car seat in our car. They also used the same car seat so they had an extra base to loan us, thereby saving us the $80 cost of an extra base.

Rather than cancel the appointment, I went to the fitting yesterday with our other car and 2nd base. I was glad I did this because I learned some stuff. Those of you who are preggers (and there are a lot of you!), I highly recommend getting a free car seat installation!

And now, back to waiting.

Danke Schoen

Yes, I am still pregnant. (A few days of not posting anything sometimes makes people wonder.) However, I had a really great weekend and am not feeling as impatient with the whole thing. Although she certainly wasn't the first or only person to tell me this, when JN emailed me, "Try to enjoy the last couple of days of just you and {my hubby} because it will never be just the two of you again," it hit me like a ton of bricks. Wowsa. Our days together are sorta limited!

So enjoying time with my husband was what I spent the weekend doing. I had a really great, relaxing weekend. Several things contributed to this, of which/whom I will now personally thank:

1) Thank you Dr. L for shortening your vacation, thus making me more relaxed about the fact that I could still have you in the delivery room if I give birth this week (after Tues, of course).

2) Thank you, Mr. Video Store Clerk, for not only leaving your stand to go find discs 3, 4 and 5 of True Blood for us, but for giving us Disc 5 for free.

3) Thank you, Ms. Jo-Ann Fabrics customer, for exclaiming, yesterday, that I look "fantastic" when hearing I was due in 9 days.

4) Thank you, neighbors, for having one of those super sweet sheet cakes from Sam's Club for your daughter's first birthday party on Saturday. YUM.

5) Thank you, Mad Men writing team, for bringing Betty back in last night's episode. (And now I have the song "sexy back" (justin timberlake) in my head with the words "i'm bringing betty back" in lieu of "i'm bringing sexy back")

6) Thank you, baby Charlotte, for inciting baby envy with my baby yesterday. The ENTIRE time I was holding her, our baby was kicking her in the butt. This is funny to me, because I very rarely will get movement near the top of my uterus/bottom of my ribs, where C was resting.

7) Thank you, K's custard stand, for making delicious cheeseburgers. (Last week at my weigh in, I lost a pound so I had a lot of catching up to do in the food arena, ha ha ha).

8) Thank you, makers of Trader Joe's sparkling limeade, for making me think I ALMOST am drinking a mojito after some doctoring done by my hubby.

9) Thank you, Charlaine Harris, for writing that superb sex scene between Eric and Sookie in the shower in the 4th Sookie Stackhouse book. Yes, I think these books are probably considered "trash", yes, they are about vampires and yes, I like them. Are you going to argue with a woman who is 9 months preggers?!

10) Thank you, fashion magazines, for the September issues. While the heavy weight of you makes it a tad difficult to read you whilst you rest on my stomach, the glossy pages and pages of clothes have brought a smile to my face. Oh how I can't WAIT to not be in maternity clothes!

11) Thank you, US Cellular woman, for hooking us up with some pretty sweet new phones. I went through an entire battery in about a day already. Maybe an internet phone wasn't so smart!

12) Thank you, inventor of string cheese. Yes I am STILL obsessed with string cheese.

13) Last, but certainly not least, thank you, my darling husband. For the foot rubs, the back rubs, nesting FOR me, watching 8 episodes of true blood with me in one weekend, making me yummy snacks, inventing the faux-jito (non-alcoholic mojito), meeting me middle-of-the-night bathroom trips with a "are you ok" (I can hardly wait to tell him I'm in labor, the man is so excited), for making homemade salsa with an extra little kick (you know what they say about spicy food...), for painting my toenails for me (even though they look like a first grader did the job), and for always making me laugh. Even though you don't know about this blog's existence, I hope I have said "thank you" and "i love you" enough that you have gotten this message.

Still a Big, Fat ZERO

Just got back from my doctor appointment and lunch.

Still no dilation.

Not even 1 measly centimeter.

SIGH.

A few promising things:
1) It did hurt more this week to get the cervix checked. This MUST mean that it is softer or something than last time. RIGHT?! (Don't tell me...I prefer to leave in my dreamworld.

2) My doctor previously was going to be on vacation all of next week. Unfortunately (for him) but fortunately (For us) he will be back on Tuesday so anything after Tuesday is fair game in terms of labor and delivery!

and because I have been telling people at work that I will be pregnant until December, I also asked how long he would let me go before getting induced. I am very anti-getting induced at this point.

3) He would let me go until 9/10. At one week past due date, he would do a stress test on the baby to make sure he/she is still doing well but would leave it up to me before 9/10 to say yes. I find this very comforting b/c I feel like a lot of doctors seem to induce like 1 day after the due date.

So we're back to waiting. Apparently, my cervix just needs some stress, according to doc. Apparently, walking 3 miles a day for the past two weeks is not enough stress. Back to work!

A Woohoo! and a YAY! to start my Friday

No group B strep for me! I just got my test results back. woohoo!!

Today I have another doctor appointment at 12:30. My husband is coming with to this one, which I think will be good as it will be his first experience with the whole someone being "down there". The hubs has put on a very good front throughout all of this, but I think he might be a little weirded out by it too. After the appointment he's taking me out to a fancy lunch. YAY!

11 days to go (which makes me think of you, AH, #11 ;) )!!

Shopping for Baby Clothes

Everyone knows that shopping for baby stuff is fun. When you are 14 days away from your due date, it is so fun, it is almost AGONIZING. Thank God we did not find out the gender of our child, or the entire mall would have been bought out by us last night. I was tempted on numerous occassions just to buy things and take them back if they weren't going to work out gender-wise.

The trip to the mall was prompted by the fact that we got another baby gift last night - the 42nd duck blanket we have received along with the 20th duck sleeper. Both cute, but given that I seriously think we have 25+ blankets (with probably 5 of them at least with ducks), we were going to take it back. However, no gift receipt so we had to do that walk of shame up to the registers at the department stores and ask, meekly, "Is this from here?" I have to say that I would just tend to keep all of this stuff, particularly when there is no gift receipt, but my husband is the one that thinks our child is going to have some fear of ducks or despise green and yellow :)

While we were at the mall, we decided to pick up a few baby gifts for everyone ELSE who has had their baby. I've been slacking on one for over a month now and we are headed to see baby Charlotte on Sunday (that is if our own baby does not arrive...hint hint...baby, get going!). Normally I would say that my husband would just be like, get whatever but last night even he was getting into it. "Honey, pretty soon we'll know what side of the stores we get to shop on!" was his cutest comment. [Responding to my annoyance that when you step in a store, you either go left for boys or right for girls. Maybe if you're lucky they'll have a green outfit in the middle.]

Even though I had already packed a few baby outfits in the hospital bag, he thought I should have picked out a boy outfit and a girl outfit at Jack and Jill that he was going to leave the hospital and pick up. So sweet, but I told him that I would rather have him just stay at the hospital. "But we have to have a going home outfit!" was his reply. If we don't have this baby soon, I don't know who is going to be more insane - he or I! :) (secretly, though, you know i love it)

13 more days!

What I Know Now: 38 weeks

Another month since I made one of these lists. I hope to GOD that I am not writing one of these again in a month :)

Here we go:

1. The 3rd trimester is definitely my favorite. The prevailing idea out there is that the 2nd trimester is the honeymoon period. Not for me. I actually liked it once I had the big belly and people could obviously tell i was preggers and not fat. I also feel like most of my issues resolved themselves lately - my face cleared up, i don't have as much body acne and I (knock on wood) had more days of good sleep during trimester 3 than any of the other trimesters. I think part of this is probably that I haven't had too many discomforts - i never have felt shortness of breath or the feeling that there isn't any more room for the baby to go...YET.

2. Your cervix becomes an acceptable point of public discussion. WHAT?! People keep asking me if my cervix has dilated. Ok, if you are one of my good friends and ask me this, that is one thing (and totally fine) but posting "has your cervix dilated" on my facebook page is not. (And neither is getting all high and mighty when I respond to you in a private email rather than on my facebook wall). I feel that I am pretty open about all of this stuff but there is a line!

3. People are SO NICE to you at this point in your pregnancy! Man, I almost don't want to have the baby so that people keep being so nice! (OK< NOT REALLY!)

4. I always read things about how pregnant women get extra long foot massages at pedicures and they feel so good. I never had anything against food massages but I wasn't all about them either...until this week. HOLY COW does it feel good to get your feet rubbed. Bonus points if your husband uses peppermint foot lotion.

5. By this point, daily massages are a must. LOVE that I have a husband who just offers this without my asking.

6. I don't know if I know what a contraction is still. I think I've been having them for a couple of days but a part of me wonders if it is just cramps? Or cramps = contractions? From all the descriptions that I have read about them, I would say yes, i am having contractions. no they are not that regular :(

7. I thought that people having babies while I was pregnant was fun. That gets amplified about a million times as you get closer to 40 weeks. Our friends S&E had a baby yesterday (Charlotte Suzanne) and my husband's coworker had a baby last Friday (Madelynn Julia) and he just called me saying that he got to hold Madelynn and is really REALLY excited. AHHHHH!

Large and In Charge

A coworker (who is 19 weeks preggers) was on vacation last week and saw me today and said - Wow! You look great but definitely bigger than when I saw you last!

Another facebooker commented that it looks like I have dropped.

I feel like this weekend was a huge growth spurt. I am wearing a pair of those maternity pants that have the tabs on the side with the buttons and I literally had to make them a button bigger on each side about 5 seconds ago. Maybe that means that I did drop since these pants have fit the same way my entire pregnancy, right under the belly? I don't think I look any different but I'll take what I can get.

Regardless, it still can be weeks after "dropping" before babies are born.

Today (at 9:16 PM) is the first birthdate that someone had on our baby pool. I'm going to wager that that person does not win birthdate points. Sigh.

I am very happy that our bathroom remodel was finished over the weekend and am very happy that I have most pressing work issues done but really what does that leave me to do?

Wonder when the baby will arrive.

AHHH! I am going to go insane in the next 15 days! :)

Hospital Bag: Check!

When you are well prepared to meet the demands of a race, not only will your race probably go well, but your recovery should go smoothly, too.

Susan Paul, running coach, exercise physiologist, and program director for the Orlando Track Shack Foundation

Another Runner's World quote for you :)

So preparation...the hospital bag is packed! I think my husband got a little nervous when he found out what I was doing. Nervous in a good way though. Unfortunately I had to break the news that no, I wasn't having contractions and yes, I still have my MP. (2nd word is plug - thanks BK for the abbreviation).

Several things that I want to take to the hospital are not able to be packed yet so i made a list of these things and told Nate what this list was so that if for some reason I go into labor at work and he has to go get the back before meeting me at the hospital, he knows what the list is. He also has to add his stuff yet.

SO WHAT DID I PACK?!

I am a notorious overpacker.

Here is what is in there:

*2 nightgown/shirt things that have easy access to boobs. I actually owned these previously - one is from old navy and one is from target. They are really comfy and from my pre-pregnancy days and still fit now so I packed both. I don't know if I will actually use these or hospital gowns, but they are in there. I am DEFINITELY using a hospital gown for labor and delivery. These would be for after when we get moved up to the mom/baby ward.

*2 nursing bras. I'm not really sure which of the two I ordered will fit me best.

*Comfy outfit for coming home in. This consists of some black nike running capris from pre-pregnancy that i have still worn pregnant, a maternity t-shirt from target and a light sweatshirt/jacket.

*nursing pads in case i'm a leaker (thanks carol for the samples!)

*toothbrush

*shampoo, conditioner, lotion and soap. luckily i'm a free sample whore and had some free samples lying around

*headband and ponytail holder

*brush/comb

*contacts case

*outfits for baby. i did not buy a special coming home outfit. we have several newborn onesies that miles/felix rocked once upon a time and some cute hats. we also have a sleeper. i am bringing newborn sized things and 0-3 month sized things b/c i'm not really sure what will fit. and two hats :) IT WAS SO WEIRD packing clothes for the baby. SO WEIRD. I have a feeling it will still be hot as HELL when we bring the baby home so I went with lighter weight clothes. And my personal opinion is that there is nothing cuter than a baby wearing just a onesie :)

*underwear. although i think that these will not get used in favor of the disposable mesh ones that the hospital gives you.

On the list of stuff to pack at the last minute:
*computer - so we can email you all a cute picture :)

*computer charger

*phone charger

*contacts solution

*glasses

*camera!!!

*camera charger

18 more days!!!

Anticipation

It's not like somebody else can run a marathon for you. It's all you out there. Finishing means you can say, "There's not a lot I can't do."

Kenneth Feld, Owner, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus

I think this quote applies to both marathon running AND childbirth. Of course, we're talking about what I think about childbirth, since I have not gone through the process. I imagine though after you give birth to a child you do have a moment where you think, "There's not a lot I can't do". I know from actual experience that when you finish a marathon, you do feel pretty damn awesome. Pre-childbirth, I am going to guess that this feeling is the same amped up about a million times after you give birth.

What a strange time I am in right now! Every day is filled to the brim with anticipation. I really don't have anything that I can compare this to. No event that has occurred has been filled with as much anticipation as giving birth. I don't even know how to explain the excitement that is coursing through my brain, my veins every single day. In some ways, it helps me get through the waiting - because I know that I won't ever have this feeling again...eagerness to meet my very first child. So that is what I think about when I the anticipation borders on impatience. And really, it is a fine line indeed. As Tom Petty said, "the waiting is the hardest part". :)

19 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cervix: Check!

Today I had another doctor appointment. The nurse asked me if I wanted my cervix checked. Hmm...how does one really respond to that question? I said yes because curiousity got the best of me. I can hold out on knowing the gender of my baby but not know if my cervix is dilated has been driving me crazy - go figure.

Anyway, my weight went up again. After two appointments of holding steady at 30 lbs of weight gain, i'm now up 34. All of those ice cream treats lately are catching up with me! Blood pressure was still normal and so was the urine test.

I asked about cord blood banking and donating to a public bank. Apparently the existing banks are full and they are only taking non-white blood or if you have a special condition, which I do not. Oh well.

So I had to have the group B strep swab..down there which was fine. The cervix check did not hurt at all. It was uncomfortable but not too bad.

I told the doctor I was hoping he would tell me I was dilated to 5 cm and had to get over to labor and delivery STAT. He said, "well you're not 5 cm. You're maybe 0.5 if I'm feeling generous." So that's that. I got nothin' in the cervix dept yet!

Some other fun things that happened - he made a guess as to how big the baby would be, although he confessed that he has a bad track record with estimating baby size on tall women. He thought that the baby was probably 7 lbs right now, maybe a little less and that if I go the full 40 weeks, he predicted the baby weight would be around 7 and a quarter. Not bad!

Also, we have received confirmation that the kiddo is head down! Sigh of relief! There has been this really hard part sticking out of my right side and I was worried it was the baby's butt. It's actually his/her knees! The butt is super high up in my rib cage, and therefore the baby is taking up basically my whole torso! Weird to think of it as that big! I have to confess that I still think of it the size it was at our 20 week ultrasound. So essentially it's tucked up like a little cannonball right now facing my right side. I guess we've been poking it in the knees then, and not the butt.

20 more days!

Nursing Apparel

One of the recommended items to pack in the hospital bag is a nursing bra. My mom has a great story about how she didn't know this and had to have the main street lingerie shop DELIVER one to her in the hospital after she had me. She said it was mortifying so she told me to make sure to have one. Some of my friends said that they didn't need to use nursing bras. I am not going to be one of those people. My gigantor boobs now have CHAFING underneath them from the heat. Bring on the gold bond powder. I am starting to fear that I have what our breastfeeding instructor referred to as "pendulous breasts".

Several of the babycenter emails that I have gotten said that my breast size now is likely the breast size I will have while nursing. I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS. Most people tell you that their breasts got bigger after delivery. So how am I suppossed to bra shop now for later?!

I went to Target because I had a $3 coupon. Some of their nursing tanks were on clearance so I picked up one in a L and one in an XL. I also got a bra in my current bra size. I got them home and none of them fit. The XL tank maybe will fit when i don't have this enormous belly, but I'm not holding out hope. It was VERY weird putting these on. I think my husband was mortified when I showed them how they work.

Enter my good friend MB who had a baby 3 weeks ago and isn't mortified by the questions I ask her. She recommended Bravada nursing bras. And, because August is breastfeeding month, diapers.com has a code for 20% off Bravada nursing bras until 8/15. So I ordered two. They arrived yesterday in the mail and they are AWESOME. Very comfy and I would say there is definitely room to grow. I have this one and this one.

Check that off the list!

37 WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

According to the world health organization and the baby center emails, I am full term! (Although according to the purple Mayo book and the definition we used for a paper I am helping to wrap up at work, 38 weeks is full term). Either way, I am excited to have made it here. And I might be starting to add in an extra walk each day, eat more spicy food and try to woo my husband into having sex with me more often...all in an effort to bring on labor. I don't care if they are old wives tales - I am to the point, mentally and physically, that I am OVER pregnancy. I WANT MY BABY!

Since so many of my friends are currently pregnant, I have been thinking a lot of what I did and didn't use out of the pregnancy products. It should come as no surprise that pregnant women are HIGHLY marketed to. My friend JN and I were scheming to buy a whole bunch of exercise balls at Target, slap a sticker on them and re-sell them for twice the price as "birthing balls", because that's essentially what a birthing ball is. Do you think women giving birth in the middle of the rainforest are using birthing balls and sleeping with pregnancy pillows? Baby Center even has their list of pregnancy products you can't live without.

Still, even though I was resistant to a lot of the stuff, it did make me more comfortable. So here's my take on pregnancy products...hoping that I won't have to use them for too much longer! :)

CRITICAL
*Pregnancy pillow. Oh how I made fun of these. And then my husband bought me the Boppy Total Body pillow. HEAVEN. I drag that thing everywhere I sleep. It came with us on the road trip. Yes it was $50, but we got a $25 gift card for signing up for the USA Baby emails and thus, it was only $25. And it came with 12 weeks of free US Weekly trash. I think any body pillow (pregnancy or not) would suffice but I loved my Boppy.

*Pregnancy camisoles. A friend that had her baby in June told me to get these when I started to complain that some of my shirts were getting too short. I have one in nude, black and white. I have to say that they make things really warm so I haven't used them lately too often, but they were nice to make everything seamless under my shirts. I got them from Old Navy but they also have them at Target.

*Prenatal Yoga DVD. I love this thing and I hate workout videos/DVDs. I actually still do it, although mostly only in sections at 4 AM to relieve my aching back. A friend loaned me it, but I am totally going to buy it for my next pregnancy. I have the Shiva Rae Prenatal Yoga.

WONDERFUL
*Peppermint lotion. This might be exclusively wonderful if you are going through your third trimester in summer, but this really helps me cool down at night. I have the Burts Bees Mama Bee kind since it was a gift, but really, any peppermint lotion would work.

*Belly Balms. Ok, every single book, email, etc tells you that your tendency to get stretch marks is more genetic than anything and no cream is going to prevent anything. I DID NOT LISTEN TO REASON. I slathered stuff on me from the first day I knew I was pregnant. Mostly because I got a lot of this stuff as gifts. I have blogged about all of these before and I didn't necessarily prefer one kind over the other. My belly didn't get too itchy that often. I still do not have any stretch marks though! Here's hoping none pop up in the next 3 weeks.

ON THE FENCE
*Seabands. These are actually marketed towards people who have motion sickness AND pregnant women. I used them for about 2 weeks in early pregnancy b/c I was wearing long sleeve shirts at the time. I gave them to a pregnant friend, and don't know if she's used them. My husband suggested pulling them back out since I have had some nausea recently, but there is no way in HELL that I would wear them without a shirt sleeve to cover them. They are Richard Simmons sweating to the oldies. I don't know if they work. I was so sick that my husband would have bought anything at the time. Shortly after I started using them, I started feeling better, but i cannot prove a causal relationship.

WASTE
*Belly Band. I may be the only person that does not like this thing. In fact, I hated it. But everyone else I know likes it. (Actually, I think my friend MB also did not like it). Next time, I say just bring on the maternity pants.

*Preggo Pops. I got a sample of these. They taste fine but really they taste just like Halls Vitamin C drops which are more widely available and a lot cheaper. I went through Halls Vitamin C drops like crazy in early pregnancy b/c I always had a bad taste in my mouth.

NEVER TRIED
*Belly Support band. Honestly, I toyed with getting one of these around 30 weeks to help me with my running. but then I would be breaking the deal I made with myself- that I would stop running once I thought I needed the belly bra. I have non-runner pregnancy friends that thought these were helpful. I can't voice an opinion on this b/c I was too cheap to buy one.

*Special "pregnancy" underwwear. Now here is something where they totally jack up the price for no reason. I DID have to get all new bras, but I just went to Macy's and got normal bras in bigger sizes. Some people get those bra extenders that allow you to extend the band. I would have done this if that was my issue. My issue was not expanding band size. As for underwear, I bought the one pack of larger grannies before vacation and that is it. I still fit into many of my pre-pregnancy underwear, although those giant Hanes parachutes are the most comfortable. I think they shrank in the wash ;) (what I tell myself instead of thinking my butt got bigger!)

*Fetal doppler. YES. This was on the baby center list. Ok, I can't comment b/c I didn't have one, but this seems a little excessive. I do have one friend that has one, but she has had a lot of complications and some of her friends got together and rented her one as a gift.

*Slide On Shoes. This is also on the baby center list. My husband bought me a pair of birkenstocks but other than that, I didn't get any new shoes. I am very lucky and haven't had any foot swelling and still fit into all my shoes. PRAISE ALLAH!

That is all the products I can think of right now.

WOOHOO! 37 weeks!

Hospital Bag Checklist

Even though 2 of my trusted friends emailed me to say that I was right on with what you need in the hospital bag (although they did say don't forget the camera), I just checked out thebump.com to see what their hospital check list says.

Holy Canoli!

Must-Haves:

[ ] Insurance info, hospital forms and birth plan (if you have one)

[ ] 2-3 pairs of warm, nonskid socks that can get ruined (for walking the halls before and after labor)

[ ] A warm robe or sweater you don’t mind sacrificing to the cause

[ ] 2 maternity bras -- no underwire -- and nursing pads (whether or not you plan to nurse, you’ll appreciate the support and leak-protection)

[ ] Lip balm (hospitals are very dry)

[ ] Toiletries and personal items -- hairbrush, toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, face wash, makeup (as if), shampoo, conditioner, lotion, contact lens case and solution (remember, travel-sized products are your friends)

[ ] Eyeglasses

[ ] Headband or ponytail holder (avoid clips -- they’ll probably poke you)

[ ] Sugar-free hard candy or lozenges to keep your mouth moist during labor (candy with sugar will make you thirsty)

[ ] Pen and paper

[ ] Lots of change for the vending machines and non-perishable snacks (you’ll probably be hungry after labor, and the hospital cafeteria could be closed)

[ ] Cell phone and charger, phone numbers of people to call after birth, prepaid calling card (if your hospital doesn’t allow cell phones)

[ ] Camera, film or extra memory card, battery or charger

[ ] A gym bag packed with a change of clothes and basic hygiene products for your partner

Take it or leave it:

[ ] Extra pillow (with a case that can get ruined, in a pattern distinguishable from hospital white)

[ ] Comfortable going-home clothes in six-month maternity size and flat shoes (or, just wear the clothes you came in… sorry, but they’ll probably still fit)

[ ] Bath towel (the hospital will likely supply a small, very thin one)

[ ] Hairdryer

[ ] Your favorite brand of soap, shampoo and heavy flow sanitary pads (the hospital supplies these things, but bring your own if you’re picky)

[ ] A few pairs of maternity underwear that can get ruined (the hospital will have disposable pairs, which some women find handy and others find gross)

[ ] A ruin-able nightgown (you can use those lovely hospital gowns, but your own might help you feel more human)

[ ] Breast pump, if you plan to use one

[ ] Slippers that can get dirty

[ ] Very light reading (think mags and newspapers, not War and Peace)

[ ] Your MP3 (loaded with your favorite tunes, of course)

[ ] Massage oil and tools like rolling pins or tennis balls, and lucky or inspirational objects (honestly, we doubt you'll use 'em…but feel free to prove us wrong!)

Leave Home:

[ ] Any clothes or nighties you really like (they will get ruined)

[ ] Stopwatch (your nurse or a monitor will take care of timing contractions)

What to Bring For Baby:

[ ] Approved car seat

[ ] A coming-home outfit

[ ] Warm blankets (for the ride home)

[ ] Outdoor gear like a snowsuit and hat, as seasonally appropriate (remember, babies are extra sensitive to cold)

Hospital Bag

Many people have asked me if I have packed my hospital bag yet and are surprised when I say, "No". Perhaps this is because I am still in denial that the baby could come early (it's definitely happening in September) but mostly I haven't packed because I don't know what to pack! An outfit for the baby, an outfit for me, some toiletries and that's about it, isn't it? I don't think it will be that hard to throw together?? The other thing is that we literally live 3 miles from the hospital. It takes 7 minutes. If I really need something, the hubs can run home and get it, or we can have a visitor (or the six million that I am anticipating) bring it.

Am I totally missing something here?

When is it coming out?!

My niece asked my mom last night if the baby "came out" of me yet so my mom called me. I wasn't by my phone so I didn't answer.

Upon hearing that I didn't answer, my niece said, "I bet the baby came out and Amy's feeding it so she didn't answer the phone."

I did call them back shortly after and my mom told her that the baby was still inside of me. "When is it going to come out, Grandma? It's been in there a long time!"

My thoughts exactly, Kid.

Pros and Pros: August vs. September

I have been getting a lot of comments/guesses recently as to when the baby will be born. With a due date of 8/31, it's entirely possible that the baby could be born this month or next. I have learned of every birthday that is occurring in August/September - because believe me, people want the baby born on their birthday. I kind of want the baby to have his/her OWN birthday but then again, I don't get to choose do I? The only day I do NOT want the baby to be born is 9/8 - this is my dad's birthday and our wedding anniversary. But then again, I don't get to choose do I?

Although I personally think that September is going to win out over August, every morning I wake up thinking, will I have a baby today? For a Type A person that is an excellent organizer and planner, the randomness of babies is hard to wrap my mind around. For the life of me, I can't fathom that my baby is coming in 26 days, plus or minus a few.

Professionally, this is also hard to wrap my mind around. I plan on working up until the day I give birth (or maybe even during the day I give birth!). My list of things to get done before my leave has now been prioritized and each day I work on whittling those prioritized items down amidst thinking, "baby baby baby". Maybe this is why people take some time off BEFORE their due date?! Personally, if I was at home right now, I would a) be hanging out with the bathroom remodel guy - no thanks and b) driving myself INSANE. So although I am at best distracted at work, at least work is providing a bit of a distraction.

Back to the topic of this post - the Pros and the Pros. I am coming off of yet another crappy night of sleep so I'm forcing myself to only be positive, thus the pros and the pros vs the pros and cons. Here is my nice list of pros of having an August Baby and pros of having a September baby:

First up, AUGUST
1. The baby would be here sooner! I really Really REALLY REALLY am just so so SO excited to meet him/her. I'm anxious to find out if I've been cooking a boy or a girl, I'm anxious to see what he/she will look like and how much he/she will weigh. AHHH!

2. I wouldn't have to go to work anymore, for a time period. As I mentioned, it is really hard to go to work, and I think it gets worse every day that I wake up.

3. I would get lighter sooner! I'm not delirious in thinking that I'm dropping these 30 lbs. the day of birth, but I expect some physical relief in getting the baby out.

4. No more maternity clothes! Or at least, fitting back into some maternity clothes! I realize again that I will be rocking these things for a while still but I'm hoping to sort of go back down the size scale.

5. I have my eyes on an amazing peridot (august birthstone) ring that would be a really nice push present ;)

Next up, Pros of a SEPTEMBER baby:
1. No more extra FMLA paperwork - I would be free and clear of work until January!

2. The bathroom remodel will for sure be done by Septemeber.

3. I would have time to get all of my prioritized work items finished which would allow me to go on leave feeling good and complete.

4. By September, I would be REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY excited to meet the baby!

5. The baby would get to have birthday treats at school. (I always felt bad for the kids with summer birthdays)

6. My mom would be done with the algebra class that I am tutoring her in. My father in law would likely be recovered from his spleen removal surgery.

7. September's birthstone is sapphire. MUCH prettier (albeit pricier) than the peridot. :)

Happiest Baby on the Block

When my friends AH & CD were here for a visit a few weeks ago, I asked them about any books they would recommend about babies. Thankfully they said to forgo the books. Phew! I really wanted to spend my last weeks of pregnancy trying to tackle the stack of non-baby and non-pregnancy books I have going on.

They did however recommend watching the DVD "The Happiest Baby on the Block". There is also a book with this but they said the DVD is better.

So I added it to my queue at the library, it came in this week and the hubs and I sat down to watch it last night. I have heard a lot of comments re: all of this stuff like "Oh I raised four kids and didn't read any books" but personally, I'm taking advantage of pregnancy #1 to do all this stuff because I know with future pregnancies, I will be chasing around other kids and not able to do any of it!

The DVD was good - it was very repetitive but that's adult learning for you. Both of us commented that we are excited for the baby to get here and see if any of the "5S's" will put our baby into a trance like they did on the video.

Watching the DVD did not come without some immature behavior on our part, of course. This morning when I went to blow dry my hair Nate asked if I was trying to calm him down. To which I replied "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" really loudly. Then he stood up straight with his arms by his side (to imitate a swaddled newborn) and got a trance-like look on his face. AND THEN he proceeded to lay on the bed on his side. Yes, we are weird, but it was cracking me up. (I realize this won't be funny to anyone who hasn't seen the DVD or read the book.)

Will we have the happiest baby on the block? We'll see...in 27 days! (give or take a few)

And so begins month 9 (or month 10, depending on what book you read)

Running gives me a sense of controlling my life. I like the finiteness of runs, the fact that I have a clear beginning and end. I set a goal and I achieve it. A good run makes you feel sort of holy.

Nancy Gerstein, runner

36 weeks down! The baby could come any day, really. I think, for me, that is the strangest thing about pregnancy to wrap my mind around. My doctor summed it up pretty well - "You go from not thinking you are ready to have a baby to having a baby overnight".

Materially, we are ready. The baby has more stuff in our house than either of us! I'm still trying to find places for it all. Last night we also took our strollers out of the box. The Maclaren was ready to go but we had some minor assembly with the Snap N Go. We were pushing them around the living/dining room. I really hope we had the curtains closed! We also did some errands - we had some items to return from over the weekend (I am cursing people who don't use gift receipts) and we had to buy our carseat! That seemed so momentous. I think it will probably feel even more real when we get the carseat installed.

Physically, I am so ready. The discomforts are kicking in...literally. I constantly have these minor aches and pains, it feels like the baby is halfway down the birth canal already, I feel like I have riden a bike with an uncomfortable seat for 3 days straight, and I feel on the verge of puking almost every day. Unlike in early pregnancy, eating does not help. And did I mention that I'm tired? I am ready to be lighter and freer of these 30 excess pounds, while trying to resign myself that the scale is going to go up before it goes down!

Mentally, I don't know where I am at. ALL OVER THE PLACE. It changes almost minute by minute. I am definitely excited to hold my baby and take it home and have him/her be part of our family. The jury's still out on the whole process to get him/her here! But maybe you're never quite ready for that!

I guess we'll know in the next 0-40 days!

ICK

My 5 day stint of being narcoleptic ended and it's back to the land of insomnia. Last night was particularly bad but at least I finished my book in time to get it back to the library tonight to avoid a fine :) It is becoming very very very frustrating to not sleep. I also have felt nauseous for about a week now and not sleeping only makes that worse. I love this little kiddo, but I am also having a hard time being positive lately.

Coupled with that are the lovely comments about size that I have had it up to here with. Yesterday at a shower that my husband's aunt threw for me for all of her friends, one of them said, "Wow. You are a lot bigger than I expected you to be." and she just kept going on and on. My sister was right there and immediately came to my defense b/c it was so awkward.

Then my MIL told me I am "blossoming".

I might burn the dress I wore to the shower.

Full Circle

Today I saw an article of 100 uncommon cool baby names. I think we are too square to be cool. None of the these were names we even considered at any point.

I think we are 99.9% settled on 2 boys and 2 girls names at this point. Interestingly enough, one of the boy and one of the girl names are exactly what I started this whole process with. So ladies, don't give up if your husband isn't on board with your favorite names right off the bat. He may just need a good 7 months to think about them.

Interestingly enough it is the OTHER two names that I am favoring. So yes, we still can't come to a consensus. My question of the day is, "If the baby were born right now, what would you name it". We rarely pick the same name. The labor and delivery room might get interesting.

Oh well, at least we are down to 2 for each sex. And no, Ramona is not one of them :) I'm not THAT good :)

I think I can I think I can

Part of the challenge of the marathon is pushing past what you think is physically possible. You can do more than you think you can.

Christine Hinton, a Maryland running coach

My brain isn't thinking of much lately, and when it does decide to operate, there is a severe malfunction most of the time. Prior to this week (35 weeks), I had decided that I was blessed and escaped pregnancy brain save for a few funny instances. EH! (picture that family fued buzzer noise). WRONG.

So here are my top pregnancy brain moments of the week so far. Survey says:
3. I made labels for our tupperwares of samples in our bathroom closet. One reads: "Shampo and Conditioner". Simple spelling error, right?

2. I could not figure out how to calculate a rate. My boss, also preggo, sent me a message with the subject of "because i am stupid" and asked me if she calculated a rate correctly. I stared at the email. The longer I stared, the more confused I became. PEOPLE, CALCULATING RATES ARE LIKE 89% of my JOB. I had to go ask our biostatistician how to do it. I think she thought I was losing my mind. That makes two of us!

1. Since January (so basically since I've been pregnant), I have had to travel to three sites around the southeastern part of the state doing baseline and follow-up interviews with 65+ year olds about a falls prevention program. Suffice to say, I have conducted plenty of these interviews, I could do them in my sleep. I left for one of the sites an hour away on Monday, got there and realized that I left all of the surveys, consent forms, etc on my desk back at my office. SH**. Lucky for me the office secretary was there and let me use her computer. I was so flustered though that I did not see the keyboard on top of the desk right under my nose and I went to pull out the keyboard tray on her desk and started freaking out, "Where is your keyboard?!?". "Um, right here {points to keyboard on top of desk}". She did not seem to have any sympathy for me.

So am I surprised when my boss (jokingly) asks if she needs to start double-checking my work or when another co-worker sends me an email saying "you look worn out. are you ok"? After this, I just sat at my desk and cried. I felt better after a good cry and then another coworker took me out for a long walk. So now I'm starting to think positive thoughts...at least to get me through this day!

"Wicked" Tired

Well it looks like my stint as a tired ol' narcoleptic is over. 4 days of tons of sleep is what I got. My mom called me this morning to ask how I was feeling - she used the excuse that she thought I might be getting sick (and thus why I was sleeping all the time) but I think it was a "are you in labor" call in disguise. It was cute nonetheless. Last night I sleep blissfully from 10 PM to 5 AM. I just got up at 5:30 because I could not stretch my back enough to get comfortable. So, I was still tired, but discomfort won out. It actually was more comfortable to be out of bed than in. Yesterday morning this same thing happened. I got up at 5 and then did my prenatal yoga DVD for 30 minutes and went back to bed and slept until 10:30 AM. yeah, I don't think my boss would let me do that everyday!

I missed my last cake decorating class last night b/c I was too pooped to move. So we ate the two layer yellow cake with berry jam filling and chocolate ganache icing instead. It was pretty yummy and since I'm not a big frosting fan, i was kind of happy it wasn't covered with crisco-ized flowers. I am sad that I missed learning to make roses though - I'm hoping the book instructions are good enough to get me through.

My fingers are crossed for tonight. I got to work early so that I can go home and take a nap before we head to WICKED! It's one of our "last days as a couple" dates that we are going on. I love Wicked and really don't want to be tired for it so wish me luck!

Insomniac to Narcoleptic

Wow. There has been a major shift this week for me and Baby S. WE SLEEP (or WANT to SLEEP) ALL OF THE TIME.

Sunday afternoon I was pooped (even though I didn't get out of bed until around 10 AM) and took over a 2 hour nap that afternoon. I went to bed and woke up around 4 AM, was awake for half hour and then woke up.

Monday evening, slept through the whole evening.

Tuesday took a one hour nap at work, came home, took another 30 minute nap, went to bed and slept for almost 12 hours. I called in sick for half a day this morning so I could sleep. I am now at work and wanting to go back to bed.

Is it really possible to catch up on 27 weeks of Insomnia in a few days? Looks like my body is trying!

35 Weeks Down, 35 Days to Go

It looks like 35 is the number of the day!

Can there really be only 35 days left? I know it is probably annoying to read about the fact that I am in disbelief that I am going to birth a baby after reading about how READY I was to have the baby NOW early on, but that's the facts.

We are now graduates of the childbirth class. Our last class was last night and focused on newborn care. We had to go around the room and talk about our experience with babies. We were one of the most experienced couples in the room - some people were like, "Well, I've held a baby". So right away, our confidence was boosted.

I can't say we learned a whole lot in the class - even my husband was like, Oh this is pretty basic. Still, the video with all the cute babies was pretty fun :) And pretending our doll was our baby was fun too, even if we were being a little immature. I think the hubs learned more from the "postpartum care" video - he looked a little horrified. The video on sex after birth was, you guessed it, very awkward. Why do they always get the cheesiest actors ever to do these things? The same couple that experienced post-partum depression was featured on the sex part and the man was like, "Oh it was definitely a while before we resumed having sex, which took some getting used to." I was like, Buddy, your wife just popped out a baby and is battling depression. BACK OFF!

So all in all, we thought the childbirth series was helpful - nothing revolutionary. I would recommend it to first time parents, and I think the husbands are the biggest beneficiaries of the information.

Pain in the A**

Over the past couple of days, I have developed sciatica. FUN! Right now it is more often an annoyance rather that complete pain but yesterday was a rough day of it. I have found that ice packs have helped. I went for a walk after reading that being mobile can help, but I think that might have made it worse. Today has been ok so far, fingers crossed.

I had a doctor appointment this morning and I told him about it. I knew exactly what he was going to say, but I still mentioned it. "Unfortunately that is likely to get worse before it gets better". Exactly what my mom told me. My mom had it with all three of her pregnancies.

I had zero weight gain since my last appointment 2 weeks and 3 days ago. That was sort of odd. I kind of panicked - what? no weight gain?! I'm still 30 lbs up, holding strong at 170. Lately I feel like my weight redistributed itself to the belly. Where as I was shaped more like a watermelon in the front before with definite love handles and protrusions out the side, now it is definitely all in front and round. All of a sudden my underwear are not as annoyingly tight and my running shorts fit like they used to. WEIRD!

Blood pressure was 110/66. Heartbeat of Baby S was going strong. He asked me what I thought about pain control in labor. I responded, "If I want an epidural, I'll take it." He started laughing and said, I can't really give you any better advice. He asked if I have a boy if I want him circumsized. "Yes". Next appointment (in 2 weeks) I have a vaginal swab for group b Strep. If I carry this, I will need antibiotics during labor to protect the babe.

Other news from the doctor, "we're in the home stretch". WHAT?! No we're not. I'm totally not having this baby in 5 weeks, 1 day. I think it is just going to grow inside of me forever, right?! Yesterday I was feeling kind of lousy. Nausea, cramps/minor contractions and my a** pain. I didn't think i was going into labor but I finally said out loud that I'm worried that I'm not ready to have a baby yet, meaning actually birth a baby. I guess I don't really have a choice, do I?! Our last childbirth class is tonight - maybe after that I'll feel ready, ha ha ha.

Wet Pants?

One must be careful if one is 34 weeks, 2 days pregnant and emailing her husband. I got caught in a torrential downpour at work today and I emailed my husband the following:

"ARGH! I'm having a terrible day. My pants are soaking wet - I had to wring them out and my shoes have puddles in them"

I figured he would know I was talking about the rain.

He did, but confessed that for a split second he thought my water broke. HA! That made me laugh.

40 days left!

Never a Dull Moment

This morning, around 3:30 AM I woke up and needed to pee. Usually I lay in bed for a bit to fully wake up before getting up but I did not do this this morning. Instead I stumbled into the bathroom.

Normally I do not turn the light on in the bathroom in the middle of the night. I do this so I don't wake up my husband, who is extremely light sensitive. There usually is enough light coming through the bathroom window to get by.

Now, I have been doing squats during my yoga DVD regularly throughout pregnancy so I'm pretty confident about my leg strength but this morning, the combo of it being dark and me still being half asleep was not a good one - I basically fell onto the side of the toilet RIGHT onto my crotch. "F*#K" is what I yelled as I grabbed onto the shower curtain to prevent myself from falling into the bathtub. The crash and the F-bomb woke my husband up. "Are you ok?!" he yelled? "I think I broke my vagina" was my reply.

Thankfully it was only some acute pain and I am now fine. The baby was probably like, what is going on?!

What I Know Now: 34 weeks!

6 more weeks to go! I am starting to feel a little anxious on top of excited because some people I know would have already given birth at this stage. Thinking about that always causes me to think, "Wow. This is going to be here before I know it."

So here's a summary of my thoughts, things I have learned etc in the last 4 weeks:

1. Childbirth classes are helpful...for husbands. I think they are helpful for mothers-to-be as well, but if you are anything like me, most of the stuff is covered in the plethora of books you might read. It is still really helpful to have someone talk you through everything. I think my husband's anxiety level greatly diminished from these classes.

2. I am sort of sad that my first pregnancy is coming to a close. WHAT!? I know I know. I spent how many blog posts complaining about pregnancy. Whining about how I couldn't wait for it to be over and have my baby. Mostly this is still true but yesterday I came to the realization that I would never be pregnant with my first baby ever again and it sort of shocked me. I don't know if I can accurately convey how EXCITED people have been for me over the past 34 weeks and how much love and support I have received. People always ask how I'm doing, lend a hand with things, won't let me do jobs, listen to me cry for 2 hours, give me thoughtful gifts. In 6 weeks (more or less) this will all be over. I can't lie - I have loved all of the attention and love.

3. In the past 4 weeks, I have taken the emotional plunge. Emotions can strike at any time while pregnant, but these past couple weeks have been the crazy time for me. I cry at anything lately. Last night I started sobbing because I saw a chipmunk in this trap my husband built that wasn't quite dead. I made him get a shovel and rescue it and set it free. Even though he's killed tons of chipmunks before. Even though I can't stand the stuff they dig up and the flowers they ruin. It took me awhile to stop crying at that one. And he totally did it and didn't make fun of me at all - what a guy.

4. It is possible to go a long ass time without good sleep. 34 weeks and counting...I have cried more about this too in the recent past (Sunday night being the most recent).

5. It is great to be pregnant, having kids with a whole cohort of women. I know I have already waxed on about this. I don't just mean being pregnant at the same time but also having kids in the same general time period. Two of my mama friends were here from the ATL over the weekend and I feel like I learned more from talking to them then anything. Having friends that will let you ask them ANYTHING about pregnancy, childbirth, having kids, pumping is INVALUABLE.

6. Moms know best. When we registered for baby gear, I sent out an email to moms I knew, including my own, asking what they liked best, what they used etc. I knew I would get a variety of answers because everyone is different and every baby is different. However, I learned a lot from this and it really helped me with our registry and make better sense of the craziness that is baby products. My friends threw me a baby shower over the weekend (one of many ahead) and my mom and I talked about it afterwards and we both thought it was so cool how all of the gifts from moms were "oh this worked great for me" or "my baby loved this". I feel like whenever I will use those items, I will think of that baby and that mom and it makes me feel so happy.

7. It's still hot.

8. I have started having more and more conversations with my belly. For example, last Saturday Baby S learned what we do on Saturdays:

"Hi Baby! It's Saturday morning and your dad and I are chilling out in bed watching the real estate channel. You can totally crash the party and cuddle in here with us. We get kind of snarky about the houses for sale, just a warning. Pretty soon Daddy will go down and make us an amazing breakfast which we will eat in bed or on the couch while watching HGTV. Mommy's favorite breakfast, which you probably have noticed, is Daddy's special breakfast potatoes with rosemary with two over easy eggs on top and strong coffee. She can't wait to eat this breakfast again when you arrive!"

9. Ok duh - I know my life will not stay the same just with a baby - I am curious to see how much our life will change and in what ways and what new routines we will adopt with the little one.

10. People ARE SO NICE to pregnant women! We went to a concert with friends on Friday night and every time I went to the bar to get a water, i got one for free! I was able to get a seat mid-way through the show and then my husband was on water duty and he had to pay $3. Thank you Mr. Bartender man at the Rave for the free waters - you are a sweetheart.

11. "You look great/amazing/fabulous" is the best thing to say to a pregnant woman. Please withhold all comments referring to size - big or small. You can't win.

Childbirth Class #3: Birth Center

The truth is that we can learn to condition our minds, bodies, and emotions to link pain or pleasure to whatever we choose. By changing what we link pain and pleasure to, we will instantly change our behavior.

Tony Robbins, American self-help author and motivational speaker

Last night we had the third childbirth class. It was not in our regular classroom but we met on the mom and baby floor of the hospital - where we will go after labor and delivery. The labor and delivery unit was very busy last night so we were not able to go through that floor. I was sort of bummed about that, but understand why.

The class went through pain medications and we had this pain scale that we had to go through with our partner based on what we think we want. I thought it was a really good tool - it featured statements about what degree of pain relief you would want and then what that realistically means for both you and the support person. The support person's role becomes more and more active, the less pain medication you receive. I felt good that the hubs and I have had a few conversations about the whole epidural thing so he guessed where I was on the scale right away.

Then the instructor went through narcotics options, epidural options and the pros and cons of each. She also had one of the anesthesiologists come in for any questions we had. We watched a video as well. I thought the whole pain managament topic was very well done. She remained very neutral on the topic and didn't seem to favor one way or the other and REPEATEDLY said that the best thing is to keep an open mind because no one knows how labor is going to go. I also felt good about the fact that the nurses really are trained to be very active support people.

After that whole discussion, we went to the level 2 nursery to peek in on some babies. AWWW! I kept it together but got really excited. Our hospital practices rooming in - so the babies stay with the mom the whole time. The level 2 nursery is for babies that might need a little extra help, but not as much help as a NICU. We also went in to one of the mom/baby rooms to check out where we would be staying for 2 days for a vaginal birth and 4 days for a c-section. After that, we went through the c-section discussion. I thought it was helpful to walk through that whole process, particularly for the support person (aka husbands) because the instrutor did a good job going through what they would be doing.

It was a good class. My husband commented that he is really glad we took the classes because with each one he feels less nervous about the whole process. We also are glad we went with the 4 week class rather than one whole day. After a while, the chairs get pretty uncomfortable. I also think the information is easier to absorb in smaller bits.

Next week is our last class and will focus mainly on infant care and tips and tricks!

Fingers Crossed!

I got a phone call this morning to reschedule two of my August ob/gyn appointments b/c my doctor was going to be on vacation.

I knew that this was a possibility - he mentioned it at our first appointment and then again at my last appointment. So now I am REALLY hoping Baby Schlotty arrives a little late as he will be gone 8/23 - 8/30. As I mentioned, my doctor gets called whenever one of his patients shows up at labor and delivery and comes in for the birth UNLESS he is on vacation (obviously).

I am happy it is Friday. It was a rough one - particularly when I was up from 2-6 AM this morning. I feel sort of sick right now and am hoping it goes away with breakfast and some water as I am really looking forward to going to the Band of Horses concert tonight.

Are you going to have a natural birth?

Mentally, I think the biggest thing I've gotten out of this 10K is that I've learned to kind of just shut my mind off during the race and not think about laps or pace.

Chris Solinsky, 10,000m American record holder

I have entered the phase of pregnancy where people (mostly women) ask me various forms of the question in the title of this post. And then they proceed to tell me their opinion on the matter, whether I ask them to or not. Most of the time, I do ask so it's fine. Sometimes, I just want to be like "Shut the F up".

Recent example of an unsolicited opinion:
Last night, my husband had to have a physical in our house for the life insurance policy he opened on himself. The nurse, Mary, was very nice even though many of her comments were driving me insane. (Side note: Yesterday was a rough one for me in a series of rough days). I won't go into every single comment she made, don't worry. She had to take a blood draw and my husband mentioned that I might want to leave the room and told Mary that I am not a fan of needles. "In fact, she is considering not getting an epidural because she doesn't like needles", he commented. Well that was all Mary needed to wax on about how I WILL need the epidural and that I would be CRAZY not to get it. I smiled and kept it together. There was no punching involved :)

So what is my answer to the never ending questions of will I won't I {get the epidural}? I continue to stick with my original plan - that is, my plan is to have no plan. I have NO FREAKIN' IDEA of what to expect during labor and how much pain I will be in or how I will tolerate it so I don't want to make a decision right now and then be disappointed if I don't stick with it. I would love to have a natural childbirth, but if it gets to be too much, then stick me with the drugs.

I am oppossed to a lot of medical intervention though, if it is unnecessary. Bottom line- i want my doctor to do what he thinks is best for my baby at all times. BUT if I can avoid getting induced or avoid getting narcotics, etc, that would be great. It is interesting reading and hearing about the varying degrees of opinions on this. As my friend Dr. B says, "Why ride a horse when you can drive a car?" meaning, why would you try to do it without an epidural when you can be more comfortable? Then there is Ina May who is all like, "women have been giving birth for eons and embrace your womanhood." I can see both points, which is probably why I'm a little go with the flow.

The reason I think I could do it without drugs is that I have a pretty rockin' hubby. During our childbirth classes and discussions afterwards, I told him that I was never concerned about the level of support he would give me through this whole thing - I knew he would be great through the ups and downs of pregnancy and know he will be great during the ups and downs of labor and delivery. I told him that I wanted him to make me laugh as much as possible because I think that is when I am most relaxed. Now, if we get into the situation and I realize taht I am in no mood for laughing, he will not proceed with that plan, ha ha ha. He knows that I want to try to do it au natural but I think will know when to push me to keep going vs. when I am being serious about "give me the drugs NOW".

The one thing I am adament about is that I want to hold my baby ASAP - I want him/her rolled up on me as soon as he/she is clear of the birth canal. I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a whole host of running-related quotes that make me think of pregnancy/childbirth so I will be using them intermittently in the remaining 48 days.

Childbirth Class #2

Last night was the 2nd in the series of 4 childbirth classes we are taking. The class focused on relaxation techniques as well as walking through what will happen when we are in the hospital, what the hospital has to offer, and common practices. We also had to take a quiz with our partner and discuss the answers. My husband and I were on the same page with everything so that made me feel good, because some of the stuff on the quiz, we never really talked about before.

The relaxation started off with everyone laying on yoga mats and the instructor gave us bags of ice cubes. These were suppossed to simulate a contraction. We had to hold the ice in our hand for one full minute while thinking, "oh this is so cold" and she was also vocally saying negative things about how bad the ice felt. Then we repeated the activity at the end of class trying to use the techniques she had taught us.

For techniques, a lot of it was changing positions from laying down to standing to hugging to different things on the "birthing ball" (aka exercise ball). The husbands also learned some different massage techniques and maneuvers that suppossedly help.

The second half of the class went through labor, pushing and delivery. It was helpful because I hadn't really had anything broken down for me and the nurse did a great job explaining things. She also did a really good job of addressing, what if X happens how would the team respond. So we learned about when forceps/vacuum would be used (less than 5% of births), if and when episiotomies are used (very rarely - phew!), etc. As usual, she was also good to point out how everyone's labor will be different and that this is just a general overview.

We also had the poop on the table discussion. "I know you are all thinking about it" our instructor commented. Interestingly enough, I had the poop on the table conversation with a group of my friends (preggos and non) on Saturday night with our friend who is an ob/gyn, Dr. B. Dr. B pointed out that 85% of women poop on the table and that it is not a big deal. She said that it is actually good when it happends because then "we know that you are using the right muscles". Our instructor echoed this last night followed by "what happens in labor and delivery, stays in labor and delivery."

Oh man. Everybody poops I guess.

Breastfeeding

This past Saturday we had our breastfeeding class. The class is a one-time 3 hour class for couples. I thought it was well done, however, I don't think I necessarily learned anything new. Granted, I did take a whole semester-long class on breastfeeding while in graduate school for public health so I probably know more than the average jane with regard to that. After that class, I even ordered the materials to become a lacataion consultant. Yeah, that never went anywhere.

I think these classes are mainly for the husband. I know my husband learned a lot and I was glad that he did. I don't want him to abandon ship on breastfeeding if it gets off to a rough start. One thing I really liked about the class is that the teacher did a great job about being like, not every baby can breastfeed and that if you have issues that prevent you from breastfeeding, THAT'S OK. I sometimes feel that pro-breastfeeding people can be a little high and mighty towards those that don't breastfeed and then people who maybe want to breastfeed but can't for whatever reason feel guilty. I am so over maternal guilt and my baby is not even here yet. I was raised Catholic - isn't that enough guilt for one lifetime?!

Anyhoo, we now are more educated on how to hand express, different types of holds, proper latches, how to store breast milk, how long it is good for, etc. The other thing I liked is that the teacher totally validated my choice of pump. My husband was totally freaked out by the high price of the breast pump I registered for and the woman said that for women who are returning to work full time, the pump I registered for is the only way to go. (This was unsolicited by the way - I didn't ask about it). I feel a bit better about the whole pumping thing, but have to say it still freaks me out a little!

Tonight is childbirth class #2 - practicing relaxation techniques.

"I'm So Tired"

I'm really identifying with Lennon/McCartney right now....

I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
No,no,no. *BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT

I'm so tired I don't know what to do
I'm so tired my mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you but I know what you would do *DON'T THINK I CAN REALLY CALL OR SKYPE MY UTERUS

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane *OK, ACTUALLY WE'RE GOING ON 25 WEEKS OF THIS BUT WHO'S COUNTING?
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind

I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette *REALLY NOT APPLICABLE BUT WHO KNOWS? MAYBE SMOKING WOULD HELP!
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid get.

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind

Song Lyrics: Lennon/McCartney for the Beatles. Uppercase commentary - all me, baby.

(p.s. slunz, i couldn't help but think of Rob Thomas an hour ago..."it's 3 A.M. I must be lonely" ;) )

"How was that beer?"

I am sure I turned a shade or two pinker after my doctor walked into the exam room today asking me that question. And here I thought he never recognized me! I have to say that I am still too chicken to actually have a beer. I had a few sips of my husband's Blue Moon on the 4th and that was about it. It was heavenly.

Appointment today was standard. Blood pressure was 106/66 and i'm now up 30 lbs. Only 2 lbs of weight gain in the last 17 days. I say only because lately I have been feeling like a moose so I was anticipating more.

I asked the doctor if he could tell what position the baby is in. He felt around for a bit and said, "Well, you're skinny but I think there still is too much amniotic fluid compared to baby to be sure. I think it's head down, but can't guarantee it." I don't think I really digested anything after I heard "skinny" because I wanted to hug him after hearing that!

I also asked him if I just get the doctor on call when I go into labor of if he will be there. I was questioning this after talking with HB & AS last night, both of whom delivered at my hospital. I was happy to hear that initially I will get the doctor on call but that my doctor does get called unless he is on vacation. He tries to make all of his patients' births. WOOHOO! THEN, he looked at my due date and did warn me that he and his family might be on vacation the last week of August. SIGH. Oh well. This is to be expected when you are due in the summer, I suppose. Even more reason to hope the baby is a little late :)

I really really really love my doctor. I am a bit surprised by this because he is a male. But he is so calm and laid back that I feel calm and laid back during my appointments and I really want to try to be calm and laid back during as much of labor as possible - even if it ends up being the first 30 seconds! ha ha ha. I think reading Ina May's chapter on Sphincter Release is getting to me!

TSUNAMI!!!!!!!!!!!

This image of a tsunami is the closest thing I can think of for what is happening in my uterus lately. I read in my book that at 32 weeks movement might not be as intense because the uterus is crowded. I don't think Baby S is crowded yet - as evidence by the tidal waves of movement that have been occurring since last night. They were so unbelievable that the hubs actually went to get the video camera to video them! I haven't watched them yet to see if he captured anything good b/c the battery died in the middle of filming but it really was incredible. As I sit and type this, the same thing is going on. I purposely wore a more fitted shirt today so I could watch. Something tells me I won't be getting a lot of work done!

I have another doctor appointment at 3:15 today - I am hoping that I don't forget to ask about the position of the baby. I'm totally curious to find out if he/she is head down yet or not!

"You've Got Me Feeling Emotions...Deeper than I've Ever Dreamed Of"

Did anyone else love Mariah Carey, the early years? Man, I was all over that in middle school. I now think that when she was singing this song (Title) she might have been pregnant.

Which leads me to my topic of the day: EMOTIONS.

Up until this point, I have considered myself to be (and my husband confirmed this) pretty even-keeled during this pregnancy. UNTIL Saturday when I had a complete breakdown with hysterical sobbing AND screaming. Ooh. Lucky husband who bore the brunt of that fun.

What was I freaking out about?

Let me turn that question around by responding, What WASN'T I freaking out about?! It started with me being annoyed that my husband was going to go a night early to my in-law's lake house. This escalated into me being upset that my husband wasn't a mind reader and then that I was enormous and hot and feeling like the ugliest creaton on the planet. I believe I even screamed "JUST STOP TALKING TO ME" to him at one point. YIKES.

I believe I just needed a good cry and I got one (and then some). After my fit (and kicking my husband out of the house), I went for a run, watched a movie and had an okay night's sleep and slept in the next morning. I was "better" but I feel like since then I am on the verge of having these mini breakdowns all the time. This morning at 3:30 AM I could not handle the fact that my back hurt and that I could not find a comfortable position to sleep in. I am just praying that I don't have a meltdown at work.

Let's see, what other (benign) things have I broke down about? My most recent crying spell was during the commercial for the Iphone 4.0 - the one where the woman is having the ultrasound and her husband is participating via Iphone from Iraq. Oh Jesus - my eyes are welling up right now just thinking about it.

Thankfully I have a pregnant coworker to commiserate with right now. She is pregnant with her 3rd child and being very nice to me :)